In Montessori, we talk about “toilet learning” rather than “toilet training.” I often invite the families I work with to compare it to introducing solid food. We don’t say “solid food training.” We know it takes time, that it’s a gradual process, and that our role is to support, not to push.

The same is true here. Bladder and sphincter control is developmental; it cannot be taught. Our role is to prepare the right environment and trust the process.

That environment works on three levels: the physical space, your mindset, and the daily rhythm you offer your child.

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Preparing the Environment

When the bathroom is prepared as a child-friendly space, children are much more likely to participate. A small potty and a step stool are often enough to give them the independence they need to get started.

In Montessori, the potty is kept in the bathroom so children can associate this space with caring for their body, rather than placing potties throughout the home. I also have found that having one potty in the child’s bedroom is helpful for nighttime.

You might also add small picture or framed artwork at your child’s eye level to make the space even more inviting.

It’s also worth thinking about your own experience. The bathroom will become a place where you will be spending a lot more time, and it is important to prepare it with your comfort in mind too.

Having a low stool, or selecting a step stool on which you can comfortably sit if space is limited, will allow you to better support your child.

The Psychological Environment

We often focus mostly on the physical preparation of the bathroom. And yet you can create just as much support for your child by being mindful of your attitude, mindset, patience level, and even the language you use around toilet learning.

Children are connected to their parents via what I like to call an “invisible umbilical cord.” They feel what we feel even when we say nothing.

This is worth reflecting on before you begin — because toilet learning involves some mess. If mess makes you tense, your child will feel that before you’ve said a word.

Accidents, which we often call “misses” in Montessori, are a normal part of the process — the same way falls are part of learning to walk. The goal isn’t to avoid them, it’s to meet them calmly when they happen.

The Daily Routine

We all thrive on predictability — and toddlers are no different.

Offering regular, predictable opportunities to use the potty helps them feel safe and begin to notice their body’s natural rhythms.

Moments like after waking, after diaper changes, before leaving the house, or before bath time can become familiar invitations rather than pressured transitions.

Routines will also come in handy when the novelty of the potty starts to wear off, and can help prevent power struggles.

This is also why in Montessori we encourage families to establish a toileting routine before age two — before the opposition phase really sets in.

Step One: Cultivating Awareness

Before a child can use the toilet independently, they first need to become aware of what’s happening in their body. For many children, this begins to develop around 15–20 months.

You might notice curiosity about the bathroom, a desire to remove diapers, or a tendency to watch and imitate others. Some children pause during play, hide in a corner, or suddenly become very still.

I often tell parents: these moments matter more than whether anything “happens” in the potty. They are signs that awareness is beginning.

In Montessori, we don’t wait for children to tell us they are ready. We observe how they begin to show us.

You can support this stage through simple, everyday interactions—using descriptive language (“Your diaper is wet”), inviting participation (flushing, washing hands), and slowing down during care routines just enough for your child to stay connected to what’s happening.

This awareness doesn’t start in toddlerhood. It has been building since infancy, through every diaper change. 

Step Two: Moving Toward Independence

Once awareness is in place, independence tends to follow.

It develops through repetition and real opportunities to participate. A child may begin by sitting on the potty at predictable times, then gradually transition to training pants at home, while also practicing managing their clothing.

You might notice your child insisting on pulling their pants down, or wanting to flush every time. These can seem like small things, but they are meaningful steps.

This is often where parents feel unsure — wondering if they should “do more” or move faster. In most cases, slowing down actually supports the process more. 

Sometimes it’s what I like to call the developmental dance: two steps forward, one step back. 

Start with simple, consistent routines at home, then expand from there.

This isn’t a race. It’s your child building a relationship with their body — and feeling capable within it.

Need Support With Toilet Learning?

If you’re looking for personalized guidance, I offer a Montessori Toilet Learning Package designed to support you step by step.

We look at what’s actually happening in your child’s development, what might be getting in the way, and how to move forward in a way that feels realistic and respectful for your family.

If you’d like a gentle introduction, you can also explore my live online Montessori Toilet Learning Workshop, where I share practical tools you can begin using right away.

And for ongoing support— not only around toilet learning, but also for routines, cooperation, and daily challenges—you’re welcome to join the Montessori Coaching Circle for Parents (The Coaching Circle)—a small group, limited to 8 families.